Tag Archives: madness

Complete Bull$#!@ – Danger Guy

You are one of the most dangerous Danger Guys in the city. There isn’t a problem you haven’t been able to sum up with a one-liner and a squinting of the eyes, a building you haven’t jumped off of for no reason, or an explosion that has remained un-walked away from. It doesn’t have the best job benefits, but after all, chicks dig scars.

It is a hot day. Noon. You enter a drinking establishment. What will you do?

>Blow Something Up

Unfortunately, the Danger Factor of this drinking establishment is too low. There aren’t any explosives in here. In fact, looking at the menu, there’s not even anything flammable in here. Unless you count tongue burns from weak tea “flammable”.

>Insult the owner of the establishment

You insult the owner of the establishment, calling her a “Fancy Trollop”, and a “High Brow-ed, Hootin’ Tootin’ Ruffian.” It appears that some witchcraft has switched your voice with that of the notorious Ugly Jeb, a patron of this establishment.

>Punch Ugly Jeb in the throat and reclaim your voice.

You punch the ugly troublemaker square in the voicebox and he lets out a high-pitched yowl. It appears that the same witchcraft which switched your voice for his has put St. Cat Robbelson’s finely tempered cat noise-box into his throat.

>Look for St. Cat Robbelson

You find the feline and feast your eyes upon the lavish throne he has been gifted by the Fancy Trollop who runs this establishment. He is curled upon the seat of Better Than You Land, in the Regal Nap Position. One eye stares at you from behind an adorable paw.

>Approach the throne and offer your benedictions.

You approach the throne and swagger down onto one knee. You don’t bow for any man, but this is no man. This is a cat. St. Cat Robbelson enters the Holy Stretching Yowl Position and then leaps down from the Throne of High Horse. He eyes you with an appraising glance.

>Refuse to Wither Under His Glare

He finds you fitting for a task of regal proportions (and attractive, to boot). He says, with your voice, that in order to reclaim your voice box, you must travel and do battle with the hated denizens of Dog Planet Incognito. He hands you the Royal Cat Scepter and re-enters the Regal Nap Position in a Holy Sunbeam.

>Travel to Dog Planet Incognito

You can’t go there yet! Your MP3 listening device doesn’t have nearly enough content filled in it to make such a long journey!

>Ask the Fancy Trollop for directions to the nearest MP3 Vending Machine

The Fancy Trollop eyes you with disdain and then points down the street to the large neon sign which says “FREE MP3s FOR DOWNLOAD!” You go to there and find that the vending machine is SOLD OUT, except for one slot. The graphic on the button shows an ugly man punching a horse.

>Download Drunk and Ugly Podcast

You are one of the top Drunk and Ugly listeners in the city. Your MP3 listening device is chock full of riotous games by some of the Toughest Round These Parts. You go to the Actual Play page and see that there’s a brand new episode up for download. “Complete Bull$#!@,” you think, as you begin to read over the excellent write-up, “this sounds wonderful!”

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Mrs. Frieda’s Session 27 – “If You Don’t Eat Your Meat. . .”

Welcome back to the city of Troy, home to monsters, devils, and the kids from Mrs. Frieda’s Halfway Home for Terrible Freakish Children.

This session focuses on the part of the gang who are attending Madison Faire, Troy’s High School, for the first time. Home of the Fighting Minotaurs, chock full of bizarre teachers and mysterious lunch meat, the High School holds many surprises.

New faces are introduced, old faces are back, and somebody auto-tunes a rabbit.

Summer is over. It’s the first day of school, and it’s going to be one you can never forget.

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Deadlands – The Crucible (Part 1)

Welcome to the Wild West you’ve never seen before.

Daedalus’ Folly, a blimp-town, makes port in Salt Lake City. Sheriff Eric Alvarez is ordered by the US Agency to form a posse and ride shotgun on a train leaving Salt Lake City. Moments later, a hang glider hits his office.

To repay her hang-gliding incurred debt, Alexis Gray and Antares Blackwell are roped into the Sheriff’s posse.

Ford Connor joins up, looking for that incredible breaking story, the once in a life-time gig.

Together, these four will face dangers they couldn’t begin to imagine: and all of them will do it wearing the coolest cowboy hats you’ve ever seen.

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Sordid Dystopia – The Thirteen Patients

The New Xexorian organization, the Delayers of Death, have discovered an old, abandoned pre-cataclysm hospital, known only as “Rick’s.”  While it may have sunk a few stories into the ground, it is still very structurally sound and holds a number of still-functioning facilities.

Julie Lagace arrives on the scene with the rest of the Delayers, along with a few mercenaries and a local sheriff.  Before any of them have any time to meet up and talk about their times spent in the 3 months following the loss of their old town, they have to get to work fixing up the hospital.

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Ship of Fools Finale – Float On

The crew of the Duquetimme finally have reached a point of equality with the Umbra, and are making strides with the original landing crew to cut lumber and rebuild their old ship.  The success of the voyage is questionable, but they have discovered the existence of the island and its viability as a trade hub, thus making at least some headway for the Poulin Trading Company.

As things are starting to look sound and solid, Niklas notices a new set of sailors making a beachhead on the far coast of the island.  He doesn’t recognize the flags, but they appear to be different than those of the Duquetimme.  Things will not be nearly so easy for the parting of the Duquetimme Crew as they first appeared, perhaps.

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Posted in Ship of Fools, Sordid Dystopia | Also tagged , , , , , , 8 Comments