Homebrewed systems, created by hosts of The Drunk and The Ugly.

SAFE – 3 Little Bros and the Big Bad Carl

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS HERE IS APRIL FOOLS POST

So a couple months ago, we wanted to do a session, but had no ideas for what to play.  Alex told me to make something up on the spot.  I had no idea what to do, so he proposed something about holding out in an apartment against a zombie apocalypse.  I was all for that, so we made some characters.  What I didn’t realize was that they made a bunch of fraternity brothers.  From there, everything went crazy.

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SAFE: Hell is Other People (Part 1)

Two small town cops are called onto the scene of a strange burglary.  A wealthy old woman was the victim of a home invasion, but strangely not a lot of value was stolen.  Just one safe was opened and a set of antique knives taken.  The only thing remaining in the safe?  A single rusty stroke.

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SAFE – Hell is Other People (Part 2)

Things are falling apart at the seams in Crescent Hill, Pennsylvania. Gang or ghost, something is responsible for this chaos. After their horrible encounter in Room 6, Newman and Crawford are beginning the investigation in earnest.

What lies in store for them?  The answers are rooted in events hundreds of years ago, and are more awful than they could ever imagine.

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SAFE – The Templar Knights of Notre Dame

The Templar Knights of Notre Dame – an order founded to bring the light of Our Lady of Grace to San Luminaris. They serve as guardians of the peace and protectors of the common man from the perils of the darkness.

On their journey home, a textile merchant and his son find themselves embroiled in an adventure that will change their lives forever.
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Complete Bull$#!@ – Danger Guy

You are one of the most dangerous Danger Guys in the city. There isn’t a problem you haven’t been able to sum up with a one-liner and a squinting of the eyes, a building you haven’t jumped off of for no reason, or an explosion that has remained un-walked away from. It doesn’t have the best job benefits, but after all, chicks dig scars.

It is a hot day. Noon. You enter a drinking establishment. What will you do?

>Blow Something Up

Unfortunately, the Danger Factor of this drinking establishment is too low. There aren’t any explosives in here. In fact, looking at the menu, there’s not even anything flammable in here. Unless you count tongue burns from weak tea “flammable”.

>Insult the owner of the establishment

You insult the owner of the establishment, calling her a “Fancy Trollop”, and a “High Brow-ed, Hootin’ Tootin’ Ruffian.” It appears that some witchcraft has switched your voice with that of the notorious Ugly Jeb, a patron of this establishment.

>Punch Ugly Jeb in the throat and reclaim your voice.

You punch the ugly troublemaker square in the voicebox and he lets out a high-pitched yowl. It appears that the same witchcraft which switched your voice for his has put St. Cat Robbelson’s finely tempered cat noise-box into his throat.

>Look for St. Cat Robbelson

You find the feline and feast your eyes upon the lavish throne he has been gifted by the Fancy Trollop who runs this establishment. He is curled upon the seat of Better Than You Land, in the Regal Nap Position. One eye stares at you from behind an adorable paw.

>Approach the throne and offer your benedictions.

You approach the throne and swagger down onto one knee. You don’t bow for any man, but this is no man. This is a cat. St. Cat Robbelson enters the Holy Stretching Yowl Position and then leaps down from the Throne of High Horse. He eyes you with an appraising glance.

>Refuse to Wither Under His Glare

He finds you fitting for a task of regal proportions (and attractive, to boot). He says, with your voice, that in order to reclaim your voice box, you must travel and do battle with the hated denizens of Dog Planet Incognito. He hands you the Royal Cat Scepter and re-enters the Regal Nap Position in a Holy Sunbeam.

>Travel to Dog Planet Incognito

You can’t go there yet! Your MP3 listening device doesn’t have nearly enough content filled in it to make such a long journey!

>Ask the Fancy Trollop for directions to the nearest MP3 Vending Machine

The Fancy Trollop eyes you with disdain and then points down the street to the large neon sign which says “FREE MP3s FOR DOWNLOAD!” You go to there and find that the vending machine is SOLD OUT, except for one slot. The graphic on the button shows an ugly man punching a horse.

>Download Drunk and Ugly Podcast

You are one of the top Drunk and Ugly listeners in the city. Your MP3 listening device is chock full of riotous games by some of the Toughest Round These Parts. You go to the Actual Play page and see that there’s a brand new episode up for download. “Complete Bull$#!@,” you think, as you begin to read over the excellent write-up, “this sounds wonderful!”

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