Complete Bull$#!@ – Danger Guy

You are one of the most dangerous Danger Guys in the city. There isn’t a problem you haven’t been able to sum up with a one-liner and a squinting of the eyes, a building you haven’t jumped off of for no reason, or an explosion that has remained un-walked away from. It doesn’t have the best job benefits, but after all, chicks dig scars.

It is a hot day. Noon. You enter a drinking establishment. What will you do?

>Blow Something Up

Unfortunately, the Danger Factor of this drinking establishment is too low. There aren’t any explosives in here. In fact, looking at the menu, there’s not even anything flammable in here. Unless you count tongue burns from weak tea “flammable”.

>Insult the owner of the establishment

You insult the owner of the establishment, calling her a “Fancy Trollop”, and a “High Brow-ed, Hootin’ Tootin’ Ruffian.” It appears that some witchcraft has switched your voice with that of the notorious Ugly Jeb, a patron of this establishment.

>Punch Ugly Jeb in the throat and reclaim your voice.

You punch the ugly troublemaker square in the voicebox and he lets out a high-pitched yowl. It appears that the same witchcraft which switched your voice for his has put St. Cat Robbelson’s finely tempered cat noise-box into his throat.

>Look for St. Cat Robbelson

You find the feline and feast your eyes upon the lavish throne he has been gifted by the Fancy Trollop who runs this establishment. He is curled upon the seat of Better Than You Land, in the Regal Nap Position. One eye stares at you from behind an adorable paw.

>Approach the throne and offer your benedictions.

You approach the throne and swagger down onto one knee. You don’t bow for any man, but this is no man. This is a cat. St. Cat Robbelson enters the Holy Stretching Yowl Position and then leaps down from the Throne of High Horse. He eyes you with an appraising glance.

>Refuse to Wither Under His Glare

He finds you fitting for a task of regal proportions (and attractive, to boot). He says, with your voice, that in order to reclaim your voice box, you must travel and do battle with the hated denizens of Dog Planet Incognito. He hands you the Royal Cat Scepter and re-enters the Regal Nap Position in a Holy Sunbeam.

>Travel to Dog Planet Incognito

You can’t go there yet! Your MP3 listening device doesn’t have nearly enough content filled in it to make such a long journey!

>Ask the Fancy Trollop for directions to the nearest MP3 Vending Machine

The Fancy Trollop eyes you with disdain and then points down the street to the large neon sign which says “FREE MP3s FOR DOWNLOAD!” You go to there and find that the vending machine is SOLD OUT, except for one slot. The graphic on the button shows an ugly man punching a horse.

>Download Drunk and Ugly Podcast

You are one of the top Drunk and Ugly listeners in the city. Your MP3 listening device is chock full of riotous games by some of the Toughest Round These Parts. You go to the Actual Play page and see that there’s a brand new episode up for download. “Complete Bull$#!@,” you think, as you begin to read over the excellent write-up, “this sounds wonderful!”


Side chatter

PLAYERS

  • Matt – DANGER GUY.  This guy is awesome.  And dangerous.
  • Charlie – SCIENCE GUY.  This guy is smart.  And sciencey.
  • Zach – THAT GUY.  He’s always wearing that thing.  He used to be that other guy, but now he’s this guy.  Or rather That Guy.
  • Manda – LADY MATRON.  Haughty owner of a ritzy cafe.  Privileged and Beautiful, that accent probably isn’t real
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15 Comments

  1. Zach
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    Easily the best character I’ve ever made.

  2. Travis
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 11:03 pm | Permalink

    Thoughts during this session:
    Well this is goofy…
    I’m sad no one made a Power Puff Girls reference with all the Chemical X floating around
    Whelp Charlie just started talking about dicks.
    Wait did Charlie just become Albert Whesker/Gendo Ichari?
    Street Sharks Reference nice.
    I have no idea what is going on…. (still like 1:30 hours left in recording)
    I give up. I’m just going to listen and enjoy the insanity.

    What the hell did I just listen too?

    • drunkandugly
      Posted April 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

      I’m honestly not sure what we did there, but I can assure you it was magical.

    • Posted April 2, 2012 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

      What you just listened to was complete bull$#!@.

      • Travis
        Posted April 3, 2012 at 12:42 am | Permalink

        Yes it was, yes it was.

  3. CaptainCrispe
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 7:11 am | Permalink

    Please tell me you guys are going to play this again some time. This was just plain awesome and it’s just what happens when you take drunk and ugly’s ability to do something with nothing and push it to 11 or 110% or something else I can’t think about.

  4. luffy316
    Posted April 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm | Permalink

    reminded me of an idea I saw on 4chan for “Break!”, revolving around a world where many people have learned how to Break, simply breaking reality with willpower of awesomeness. everyone gets Break Points, which can be cashed in to break a rule whenever they want (aka tell the DM “shut up, yes I can”). there was some subplot about Fixers going around, little god-like entities that tried to repair all the Breaks, who could fix things so well they could never be Broken again

    but yea, as soon as Danger Guy became Shark Guy, I basically imagined him as a regular on Axe Cop…

    and yea, MS Paint Adventures. such mixed feelings. loved Problem Sleuth, even it was a marathon of a read, and always hear great things about Homestuck but everyone confesses that the beginning is long and dull, so never caught up with it. there’s things I’m behind on reading that I DON’T have to do actual work to enjoy

  5. Kinahto
    Posted April 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

    Long time listener, (and seriously I do mean long. Back on the RPPR Community site long), first time commenter because I’m a terrible person.

    This was eleven kinds of awesome, and felt a lot like something from MSPA. I think my favorite bit is that the game is titled Danger Guy even though he isn’t around for a good half of it.

    Also, I was sort of hoping that someone would order refills in Lady Matron’s cafe to the point where they either had a cup with a single atom of the components that made the tea, or that nuclear fission happened. Maybe that idea just occurred to me though.

    Anyway, this was a great game and I hope I can look forward to more Complete Bull$#!@ in the future.

  6. Posted April 9, 2012 at 1:34 am | Permalink

    Loved this episode, was laughing retardedly while listening to it and I happened to be at work so I’m pretty sure I looked it… but no matter!
    This episode inspired me to do up a piece of art for the Rock’nest of the transformed shark people: DANGER SHARK!
    http://crazon.deviantart.com/#/d4vn18b
    You can use it however you like, It’s my gift to you guys for all the free funny and awesome role playing I get to listen to. Seriously it’s like listening to a radio adventure. Whether its this or Freida’s (Also Kick-Ass I might add). Thanks again.

    • drunkandugly
      Posted April 9, 2012 at 11:28 am | Permalink

      Hahahaha yes. I love this so hard. Thanks for commenting and doing some wonderful fanart.

      • Posted April 9, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Permalink

        Man, why can’t we make this site more like facecbook or tumblr so i can LIKE the shit out of this?

  7. xofour
    Posted April 28, 2012 at 1:50 am | Permalink

    This is fun like audio was made for. The best part was when I listened during my lunchtime nap, there I was not lost when I woke up. Either you have infested my dreams, or you have amazing timing. I will let you pick your own praise there.

  8. Ryster
    Posted January 5, 2014 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    …How?! How can someone have HALF A PENIS?! EXPLAIN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GROG, EXPLAIN!!!

    …Knight Shark is supposed to be prepared for anything, yet he resorts to using IE as his default browser???

    Drunk and Ugly: the only podcasters that could bring up 30 minutes worth of penis mentionings WITHOUT making it the centerpiece of the conversations…

    • drunkandugly
      Posted January 7, 2014 at 10:21 am | Permalink

      …How?! How can someone have HALF A PENIS?! EXPLAIN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GROG, EXPLAIN!!!

      Do you really want to know?

      …Knight Shark is supposed to be prepared for anything, yet he resorts to using IE as his default browser???

      I think this was about the CSS comment which goes back to my freelance web dev days wherein I discovered that IE is the shittiest browser to develop for (though apparently it’s gotten a lot easier to work with since 2010)

      Drunk and Ugly: the only podcasters that could bring up 30 minutes worth of penis mentionings WITHOUT making it the centerpiece of the conversations…

      Oh phshaw. . .

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