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In: Fiasco

Hey guys,

So we’ve had a good run here on the Drunk and the Ugly. It’s been a good time. We’ve had laughs, we’ve cried like babies, we’ve made depraved jokes.

But all of that’s about to change. Now, we know you voted on Fiasco this month (and we’re still posting it, as you can see by the above title, since you’re apparently able to read anyway) BUT. We’ve decided to make the switch to a new format of entertainment, one that we think is arguably for the better.

Without further ado, here’s Matt, with the update news:

“THE RECORDING GOT MESSED UP BECAUSE OF SHENANIGANS.  I THINK THE MIC WAS PLACED ON THE TABLE WRONG AND SO YOU CAN HEAR EVERY FOOTSTEP THROUGH THE HOUSE.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.  HERE’S A PONY GAME FOR YOUR TROUBLES. REFRESH THE PAGE IF YOU DON’T SEE IT.”

Excellently said as always, Matt. You are a picture of eloquence.

I hope you’ll stay on board for the new 24/7 Secret of the Magic Crystals Actual Play podcast. So long, Drunk and Ugly. HELLO HORSE GAMES FOR LITTLE GIRLS.

– Sam

 

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In: Sordid Dystopia

A vessel is making its way across the ocean, filled with a band of intrepid explorers. They have a dinner party with destiny in their future.

This isn’t a game played by the Drunk and Ugly! Ross Payton of Role Playing Public Radio was kind enough to run a playtest of Sordid Dystopia for the RPPR group.

Needless to say, madness ensued. It was fantastic.

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In: Homebrew

You are one of the most dangerous Danger Guys in the city. There isn’t a problem you haven’t been able to sum up with a one-liner and a squinting of the eyes, a building you haven’t jumped off of for no reason, or an explosion that has remained un-walked away from. It doesn’t have the best job benefits, but after all, chicks dig scars.

It is a hot day. Noon. You enter a drinking establishment. What will you do?

>Blow Something Up

Unfortunately, the Danger Factor of this drinking establishment is too low. There aren’t any explosives in here. In fact, looking at the menu, there’s not even anything flammable in here. Unless you count tongue burns from weak tea “flammable”.

>Insult the owner of the establishment

You insult the owner of the establishment, calling her a “Fancy Trollop”, and a “High Brow-ed, Hootin’ Tootin’ Ruffian.” It appears that some witchcraft has switched your voice with that of the notorious Ugly Jeb, a patron of this establishment.

>Punch Ugly Jeb in the throat and reclaim your voice.

You punch the ugly troublemaker square in the voicebox and he lets out a high-pitched yowl. It appears that the same witchcraft which switched your voice for his has put St. Cat Robbelson’s finely tempered cat noise-box into his throat.

>Look for St. Cat Robbelson

You find the feline and feast your eyes upon the lavish throne he has been gifted by the Fancy Trollop who runs this establishment. He is curled upon the seat of Better Than You Land, in the Regal Nap Position. One eye stares at you from behind an adorable paw.

>Approach the throne and offer your benedictions.

You approach the throne and swagger down onto one knee. You don’t bow for any man, but this is no man. This is a cat. St. Cat Robbelson enters the Holy Stretching Yowl Position and then leaps down from the Throne of High Horse. He eyes you with an appraising glance.

>Refuse to Wither Under His Glare

He finds you fitting for a task of regal proportions (and attractive, to boot). He says, with your voice, that in order to reclaim your voice box, you must travel and do battle with the hated denizens of Dog Planet Incognito. He hands you the Royal Cat Scepter and re-enters the Regal Nap Position in a Holy Sunbeam.

>Travel to Dog Planet Incognito

You can’t go there yet! Your MP3 listening device doesn’t have nearly enough content filled in it to make such a long journey!

>Ask the Fancy Trollop for directions to the nearest MP3 Vending Machine

The Fancy Trollop eyes you with disdain and then points down the street to the large neon sign which says “FREE MP3s FOR DOWNLOAD!” You go to there and find that the vending machine is SOLD OUT, except for one slot. The graphic on the button shows an ugly man punching a horse.

>Download Drunk and Ugly Podcast

You are one of the top Drunk and Ugly listeners in the city. Your MP3 listening device is chock full of riotous games by some of the Toughest Round These Parts. You go to the Actual Play page and see that there’s a brand new episode up for download. “Complete Bull$#!@,” you think, as you begin to read over the excellent write-up, “this sounds wonderful!”

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In: Homebrew

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS HERE IS APRIL FOOLS POST

So a couple months ago, we wanted to do a session, but had no ideas for what to play.  Alex told me to make something up on the spot.  I had no idea what to do, so he proposed something about holding out in an apartment against a zombie apocalypse.  I was all for that, so we made some characters.  What I didn’t realize was that they made a bunch of fraternity brothers.  From there, everything went crazy.

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